John Cena
Giovanni Pranzo Serale è un umano che assume le sembianze di wrestler negli Stati Uniti (confinante con la Svervegia); in realtà, è un venusiano inviato dall'Agenzia delle Entrate del Sistema Solare alla ricerca di Michael Jackson, evasore su Giove di 30 miliardi di talleri gioviani di tasse non pagate, o fintamente dichiarate sulla Terra. Pare si sia scordato del suo compito, e ora lotti tanto per, in attesa che gli riparino la navicella e lo riportino su Venere (dove non lo sa, ma sarà processato per fannulonismo, grave reato per i dipendenti ministeriali del luogo).
Tuttora è un wrestler di punta della famigerata compagnia DabliùDabliùEsticazzi. Famosissimo per la cintura frisbee, ogni lunedì sera rompe il cazzo a RAW, battendo tutti e chiunque.
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Imprese
- È riuscito a far pagare le tasse a Giulio Cesare, seppur con qualche millennio di ritardo.
- Ha sistemato i suoi, facendogli guadagnare 1000 volte il loro vecchio stipendio semplicemente con il lavoro di grattapance.
- Ha attentato alla vita del presidente del Sistema Solare, senza riuscirci (per questo, è stato condannato a 10 frustate nei coglioni).
- Ha comminato una multa a John Lennon per 30 milioni di talleri gioviani per aver calpestato una formica su Marte.
- Cena nella ultima edizione di Armageddon sconfigge Chris Jericio dopo essere stato incatenato in un muro di pianti di Jericio rigirandolo con una magia degna di Harry Fotter o di una americanata di Arnoldo Spazzanegri .
Curiosità
 |
L'abuso della sezione «Curiosità» è consigliato dalle linee guida di Nonciclopedia.
Contribuisci a |
- Guarda spesso CSI - Scena del Crimine.
- Il suo migliore amico è John Pranzo.
- John Pranzo Serale, oltre allo sguardo da duro e al suo comportamento da puro gangster americano, si rivela in realtà tenero,sensibile e fragile.
- Il suo nome reale è Açastikà $portr@n; ha scelto come nome terrestre John Cena per sottolineare il fatto che è un morto di fame.
- John cena ha avuto un esclusivo approccio sessuale con Tua madre finito esclusivamente su tutti i telegiornali e i giornali della galassia.
- John Cena è un accanito fan dei Teletubbies.
- Urla "è ora di andare a Cena!!!" nel bel mezzo di un incontro.
- Suo zio è stato condannato a morte per masturbazione del conseziente.
- L'unico essere umano al mondo che cerca di sembrare buono e simpatico, viene invece odiato da tutti.
- Iù chen simì.
- John è l'unica persona (si pensa che ci riesca anche grazie alle sue origini venusiane) che riesce a prendere botte ore e ore mettendo poi KO i suoi rivali con una sola mossa.
- È conosciuto dappertutto, dal Sole a Plutone, da Marte a Venere, si pensa sia stato uno dei figli di Darth Father (quello sempre rauco) e che lo abbia fatto cedere subito dopo le riprese del film.
- Una volta, dopo uno dei suoi match, ha sentito con il suo super udito che una vecchietta aveva bisogno di aiuto e volando ha recuperato il suo gatto posizionato su un albero.
- La cintura rotante in realtà serve per ipnotizzare, e conquistare, la razza umana.
- Perché Cena ha vinto la Rumble? semplice: Triple lercio ha visto sua moglie che mostrava le tette in pubblico.
- Il suo pene è mooooooolto......grande.
Vedi anche
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