Spice Girls
LeSpice Girls sono un gruppo di cinque disoccupate, sgualdrine multirazziali che si sono unite dopo aver effettuato una campagna pubblicitaria per promuovere una marca nazionale di condimenti di cui, per coincidenza, esistevano cinque differenti varietà. Questo le ha salvate dal diventare degli operai a Bangalore.
Origini
Formate dal legendario Dr. Seuss creatore di 'Green Eggs & Ham' ('Uova Verdi & Prosciutto'), le Spice Girls erano nate come uno scherzo cha ha però preso inavvertitamente piede nella metà degli anni '90. Le ragazze (che originariamente si chiamavano: Phil Spector, Dave Clark, Spike Jones, Ahmed e Gary Coleman), lavoravano tutte a Liverpool come buttafuoiri e carpentieri, in particolare il venerdì notte al club per sfigati e secchioni chiamato il 'MySpace Girls' fino al 13 dicembre 1993, quando furono misteriosamente ed indipendentemente guidate da una stella splendente verso una piccola capanna a Betlemme dove furono rapite, subirono il lavaggio del cervello e costrette a subire operazione di cambio di sesso (come Sauron). E sapete, chiunque controlla le spice girls, controlla le spezie e chiunque controlla le spezie, controlla l'universo.
Per celare le loro vere identità i loro nomi furono cambiati in Ginger, Sporty, Posh, Baby, and Scary Spice. Loro sono dotate di super-poteri e qualcuno a riferito loro che se pensano a cose belle possono anche volare.
Chi sono le spice girls?
The spice girls consisted of:
- Victoria Beckham: Starvation Spice / Mud
- Melanie Chrisholm: Kung Fu Spice / Monosodium Glutamate
- Melanie Brown: Ethnic (Spicy) spice/ Curry and rice twice spice
- Emma Bunton: Infant Spice / Milk powder
- Geri Halliwell: Tacky spice/ Batter
- Condoleezza Rice: Chicken Fried Rice Spice
- Alan Sugar: Sugar, Spice, Nothing nice
- Dave Grohl: Beard Spice, Closet homosexual Spice
Role of Cold War
Due to their enormous power the spice girls were classified as weapons of mass destruction and the Superpowers all tried to invent their own equivalents. It became a given in US foreign policy during the late 1990s that he who controlled the spice girls controlled the Earth.
During the space race, it was quickly discovered that the spice girls secreted an oily discharge known as melange, long known to be absolutely necessary for intergalactic travel. Dissapointingly, however, it was found that the so-called "spice gland" would only produce a small amount at a time, making it economically unfeasable when compared to the amounts produced in the mines on the desert planet Iraq.
The Russians were quick to follow with their invention, Tatu. While this lesbotronic weapon was capable of paralysing millions of men in a death-like drooling Coma, it met the fate of all Soviet weaponry of that period and was thus sold at a car boot sale to middle-eastern terrorists or the Axis of Evil.
In 2001 the Spice Girls were officially classified as an illegal weapon and the ever-mysterious Lou was called in. Lou quickly secured the help of UN goodwill ambassador David Beckham, who devoted the rest of his life to neutralising the threat by serially impregnating the weapon's trigger component, code-named posh.
Career Highlights
Popular for around 15 minutes in the early 1920s, their status as promoters of a global brand of spices was irepairably damaged when it was discovered that all-but-one of the Spice 'Girls' were in fact male. Oddly, the one member who was female had previously been male and had only changed gender through a freak accident.
After a brief spell as unemployed seamstresses once again one member of the group suggested that they try to make money another way. They agreed to form a band and set the timetable to release their first single. Fortunately before this could happen their devious plan was overheard by an honest and upstanding citizen and all 5 were executed on the spot by the Vatican Boys Punishment Squad.
The Spice Girls are probably best remembered for their performance at the Brit Awards in 1995, where they climbed onto the roof and saved the world from supernatural disaster by destroying Gozer the Gozerian and closing the gates of Zuul. This event also saw the debut performance of their infamous 'chicken walk'.
Their Lord of the Dance-inspired attempts at a career in music were sadly misguided, and despite selling more records than the Beatles and Michael Jackson collectively, their impact was short lived as it was discovered they became increasingly more irritating with every public or television appearance. Observers were unsurprised when the band eventually split. Recent rumours suggest that the band members may reunite for the forthcoming cable tv game show: The Spice is Right after their botox and liposuction treatment
Discography
Albums
Singles
- Wannabe pretty
- Say you won't run away
- 2 Bacon rolls
- who do you think you're sitting on? / mama ran away from me
- spice up your curry
- Too much whining
- Stop hurting ear-drums
- viva las vegas
- Goodbye to the "tacky" one
- holler if you think we're crap / let earplugs be inserted
- I like π
- Flumme from bredballe is a hawty!