Greta Thunberg: differenze tra le versioni
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(BASTA CON QUESTA IMMONDIZIA LEKKATE IL KAZZO DI GRETA INDEGNI INQUINATORI STRONZI HAHA BLOKKIAMO TUTTA STA MERDA) |
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{{Colore|blue|{{Carattere|Arial|400%|'''LEKKATE IL KAZZO DI GRETA IMMONDI INQUINATORI INDEGNI DI NOMINARLA INVANO STRONZI E NON VI PERMETTETE PIU' DI OFFENDERE INDEGNI ORA BASTA ORA CENSUREREMO QUESTA MERDA PER SEMPRE HAHA!!!'''}}}} |
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[[File:Greta Thunberg resistenza futile.jpg|thumb|200px|Abbassate i vostri scudi e arrendetevi. La vostra cultura si adatterà a servire noi.]] |
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'''Greta Eleonora Thunberg Ernman''' (nata '''Unimatrice 8 di 9''') ([[Stoccolma]], data stellare [[2008|-319]][[3 gennaio|993.51433282596]]) è un'[[attivista]] [[svedese]] per lo sviluppo sostenibile della razza [[Borg]]. È nota perché i [[social network]] e le [[tv]] hanno capito da tempo che i [[bambini]] muovono più pubblicità della figa. |
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== Biografia == |
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Greta Thunberg è figlia di una cantante e di un attore che andavano sterilizzati per tempo. Dopo che alla bambina vengono diagnosticate la |
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[[sindrome di Asperger]], il [[disturbo da deficit di attenzione/iperattività]], il [[disturbo ossessivo-compulsivo]] e un altro paio di disturbi della personalità che rendono la gente propensa a diventare Cancelliere in [[Germania]], decidono di comune accordo che Greta è la più intelligente in casa e che quindi da quel giorno in poi avrebbe preso tutte le decisioni. La bambina, dopo averli convertiti al [[veganesimo]] e alla religione [[Pastafarianesimo|Pastafari]] tanto per vedere se abboccavano, si annoia molto. E anche impiliare blocchi in [[Minecraft]] per 8 ore al giorno tutti i giorni ormai fa troppo [[2011]]. |
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=== Attivismo === |
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Con piglio tipicamente aspergheriano compila quindi una lista di cose che vanno di moda oggigiorno: |
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* Il [[cambiamento climatico|clima che cambia]], perché prima invece era sempre uguale. |
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* L'[[inquinamento]] provocato dal petrolio, non come i minerali <s>tossici</s> salubri che servono a fare le batterie per le [[auto elettrica|auto elettriche]]. S'è mai vista una petroliera scaricare migliaia di ettolitri di batterie in mare? No? E allora! |
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* Consumare solo prodotti [[agricoltura biologica|bio]] e a [[chilometro zero]]. Che in Svezia vuol dire aringhe, aringhe e aringhe. |
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* I bambini che ti dicono cosa devi fare, tipo dove trovare casa, con chi stipulare una polizza assicurativa, o come risolvere i tuoi problemi di erezione. |
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* La parola "green". |
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* Quanto sono stronzi i ricchi. |
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* La parola "Europa" (su suggerimento del Venerabile e Santo Presidente [[Mattarella]]). |
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* Il [[pensiero unico]]. |
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Decide quindi che studiare è una palla, che ora le va di correre su un prato, no, ora preferisce impilare oggetti a caso, aspetta, ma quella è una farfalla, pettina pettina pettina la bambolina, ma quanto fa 7 diviso 3, e nooo mammaaa adesso non mi vaaAAAAAAURGH CAZZO TROIAAA! ''*piange*'' |
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''*non parla più per 23 ore di fila*'' |
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Il [[20 agosto]] [[2018]] Greta decide, dopo aver dato udienza alla psicologa della scuola e al preside, che lei è troppo figa per andare a scuola (e poi i libri sono illeggibili, con tutti quegli strani simboli che si muovono), e dichiara uno sciopero mondiale a tempo indeterminato di tutte le attività umane per ridurre la CO2. Nessuno se la caga quindi si accontenta di uno sciopero della scuola che fa solo lei finché le va. |
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[[File:Greta Thunberg at the Parliament (33744056458).jpg|thumb|[[Antonio Tajani|Tajani]] valuta se Greta è ok o se è un po' troppo giovane per [[Berlusconi]].]] |
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Rompe il salvadanaio e usa i circa 4 euro che vi trova dentro per intraprendere una gloriosa tournee nelle principali capitali europee: a Stoccolma esibisce un cartello molto minaccioso<ref>che ha impiegato circa 3 giorni a scrivere sotto dettatura</ref>; a [[Bruxelles]], più o meno idem; in [[Polonia]], davanti alle [[Nazioni Unite]] proferisce le seguenti parole: |
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{{Q|Ciò che speriamo di ottenere da questa conferenza è che comprendiate che ne capite di clima quanto ne capite di viaggio nel tempo o di orgasmo femminile, quindi date retta a una mocciosa che in scienze prendeva 5 quando andava bene.}} |
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{{Q|Voi parlate soltanto di un'eterna crescita dell'economia verde perché oggigiorno "verde" tira più di un carro di buoi, ma non ne azzeccate una manco per sbaglio. L'unica cosa da fare è lasciarvi assimilare. La resistenza è futile.}} |
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Continua poi a scuotere le coscenze a [[Davos]], a [[Amburgo]] e a [[Roma]], e ancora le restano 2 euro dal salvadanaio. |
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== Opere == |
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Il [[15 marzo]] [[2019]] Greta pubblica la sua prima, e ci si augura unica, produzione letteraria dal tranquillizzante titolo ''La nostra casa è in fiamme''. Il libro racconta la storia dei Thunberg e delle grandi difficoltà di una famiglia svedese molto ricca che si è trovata ad affrontare una crisi imminente che ha travolto il nostro pianeta: la figlia. Quello e il fatto di non avere più un'abitazione. È il «grido d’aiuto» di due genitori prima benestanti costretti a cambiare vita dalla propria bambina, che ora sta cercando di convincere il mondo intero dell'importanza di liberarsi da ogni fonte di inquinamento. |
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== Note == |
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<references /> |
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== Voci correlate == |
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* [[Ambientalista]] |
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* [[Malala Yousafzai]] |
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== Altri progetti == |
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{{interprogetto}} |
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{{portali|Natura}} |
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[[Categoria:Ambientalisti]] |
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[[Categoria:Poser]] |
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[[Categoria:Fighting girl]] |
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[[Categoria:Sapientoni]] |
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Versione delle 23:34, 15 lug 2020
LEKKATE IL KAZZO DI GRETA IMMONDI INQUINATORI INDEGNI DI NOMINARLA INVANO STRONZI E NON VI PERMETTETE PIU' DI OFFENDERE INDEGNI ORA BASTA ORA CENSUREREMO QUESTA MERDA PER SEMPRE HAHA!!!