Fiat Panda 4x4: differenze tra le versioni

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{{Cit|Merda, non trovo le chiavi del razzo!|[[Gesù|Gesù Cristo]] riferendosi alla sua Panda 4x4 il [[sabato]] sera, prima di scendere da casa}}
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{{Cit|Ma quanto fa 4x4?|[[Lapo Elkann]] e gli ingegnieri Fiat sulla panda 16}}
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{{Cit|Adesso le tiro via il SUV dal fosso| Passante con la Panda 4x4 al coglione col [[SUV]]}}
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{{Cit|Dio porco quanto consuma!|[[Germano Mosconi]] prima di fare rifornimento alla Panda 4x4}}
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L'auto definitiva sotto tutti gli aspetti. Cugina seria della pessima [[Panda Special]].
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== La creazione ==
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Nata agli inizi degli anni '80, dall'unione tra un Drago Spaziale e una Range Rover, la Panda 4x4 è diventata subito l'auto del millennio. Anni di evoluzione nel campo dei Mestieri e delle Arti, hanno portato al design perfetto della Panda 4x4.
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[[File:Fiat Panda.jpg|left|thumb|159px|L'estetica della Panda 4x4 è il massimo che si può chiedere da un'auto così prestante.]]
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== Conseguenze immediate ==
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Dopo la messa in vendita dei primi esemplari di Panda 4x4, gli acquirenti iniziano a guadare fiumi e correre sulle spiagge del Nevada.
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In tal senso ben noto è il trafiletto sulla [[Bibbia]] riguardante un certo prestigiatore circense chiamato [[Mosè]], in cui viene mostrato come è possibile creare un ponte sul mare minacciando quest'ultimo con La Leva per l'innesto della trazione integrale.
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Dopo due anni di commercio libero, [[Cristoforo Colombo]] scopre l'[[America]], arrivandoci con un solo salto, dopo aver preso la rincorsa sulla superstrada che collega Pozzuoli a Vico Equense. [[File:Panda_terramare.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Prototipo della Panda 4x4 usata da Cristoforo Colombo]]
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Un [[anno]] dopo i primi esploratori del Polo Nord, tra cui [[Mike Bongiorno]], decidono di andare a controllare di persona la stronzata dei sei mesi di buio e sei di luce, e partono da Mugnano, dieci di loro in una Panda 4x4. Arriveranno 2 giorni dopo, completamente cacati sotto dalla paura per aver attraversato la Pianura Padana controsenso.
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== Tra la leggenda e il mito ==
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Esistono innumerevoli canti e tradizioni ascrivibili alla Panda 4x4. Più che la [[Invisibile Unicorno Rosa|religione]], la cultura, e la [[orgia|monta in libertà]], è la Panda, infatti, a rappresentare in maniera tangibile quel profondo legame che accomuna tutti gli uomini di varie culture, epoche ed [[kamasutra|orientamenti sessuali]].
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Basti pensare alla famosa "Traversata delle Alpi" di [[Annibale]] ai danni di Roma, dove grazie al generoso bagagliaio della Panda 4x4 il condottiero cartaigienese riuscì a trasportare elefanti, tirannosauri, una giraffa e persino un campetto di bocce prefabbricato. Da questo episodio nacquero il [[Circo]] e [[Moira Orfei]] ( ci sono delle dispute su chi sia venuto prima ).
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Come tutti sanno, gli antichi Sumeri si dilettavano a gettare le donne vergini, colpevoli di essere ancora vergini, nella bocca di un vulcano attivo. La prassi voleva che le donne venissero dapprima bendate, poi drogate ed infine legate mani e piedi al volante di una Panda 4x4. Una volta lanciate a tutta velocità nella bocca del vulcano, però, tutte le donne riuscivano salvarsi. Fu per questo che le Pande 4x4 vennero sostituite con delle [[Panda Special]]. Da quel giorno, nessuna donna ha più fatto ritorno ed i Sumeri si sono estinti.
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A [[Pamplona]] celebre ancora oggi è la tradizione della "Fuga dal Toro in Calore". Questa festa profondamente religiosa e cristiana trova le sue origini da una festa pagana, chiamata "Fuga dalla Panda 4x4". Una Panda selvatica veniva liberata nell'arena, ed un passante era incaricato di lucidarle la carrozzeria. Trapassato il passante, la Panda aggrediva indisturbata la gente sugli spalti e per le vie della città. Una volta arrivati a Pamplona, i primi missionari Cristiani hanno deciso di rendere più umana la tradizione sostituendo la Panda con tori inferociti.
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== Caratteristiche Tecniche ==
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# Sediolini ribaltabili che consentono ottime chiavate;
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# Freno a mano tosto che permette curve da [[camorrista]];
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# Nessuno se la ruba;
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# Consuma solo pochi germogli di eucalipto ogni 10 km;
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# Il serbatoio contiene più benzina di una portaerei americana e, in ogni caso, non consuma un cazzo;
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# Parcheggi pure sugli alberi;
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# Parcheggi soprattutto sugli alberi;
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# Nel bagagliaio puoi caricarci duecento [[Kalashnikov]] e trecento bombe a mano senza dover smontare le casse dello stereo;
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# Da 0 a 100 in 0,023 nanosecondi e con il NOS 31 nanosecondi;
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# Con la 4x4 inserita, scalerete l'Everest;
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# Con la 4x4 inserita, sarà l'Everest a piegarsi per voi;
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# Con la 4x4 inserita, farete felici i vostri amici Agip, Esso, Shell & Co;
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# Qualunque pezzo sfasci lo paghi non più di 5 euro:
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# Comunque 4x4 fa 16;
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# Non si ribalta come un super suv;
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# La velocità massima con il 2x4 è per le donne 18 km/h ma con il 4x4 il [[Concorde]] diventa una lumaca.
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# Emissioni: Da molti è considerata la principale causa dell'allargamento del buco dell'ozono
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== Conclusione ==
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A meno che non chiaviate, guidiate come un [[ricchione]], siate straricchi, abitiate sulla punta del monte Cervino, vostro padre sia petroliere e non abbiate mai pensato di fare una rapina, non compratevela.
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Altrimenti è l'auto che fa per voi.
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== Articoli correlati ==
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*[[Fiat Panda]]
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*[[FIAT]]
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*[[Diciassei|16 (1)]]
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* [[Diciasedici|16 (2)]]
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{{Fiat}}
[[Categoria:Automobili]]
[[Categoria:Fantascienza]]

Versione delle 13:01, 14 set 2016

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