Basilicata: differenze tra le versioni

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{{altamente_terrone}}
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[[File:Basilicata nonciclopedia.jpg|thumb|350px|Stati della Basilicata]]
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{{Cit2|Che sfigata|Il Botswana, incontrando la Basilicata per strada}}
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{{Cit2|Ma dove cazzo è la Basilicata?|[[Chiunque]] su Basilicata}}
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{{Cit2|Io lo so!|[[Nessuno]] su Basilicata}}
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{{Cit2|Mò t fazz nu coul quant a osc e craje!|Tipica espressione intimidatoria di un lucano}}
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{{Cit2|Paré!|Lucano rivolto a chiunque}}
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{{Cit2|La Basilicata esiste, è un po' come il concetto di Dio, ci credi o non ci credi.|[[Rocco Papaleo]] ai geografi negazionisti}}
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La '''Basilicata''' è una [[regione]] del centro della [[Terronia]]. Alcuni storici vissuti nel Neolitico ritengono invece appartenga alla [[Culonia]].
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È divisa in diversi stati e città libere, e la popolazione è dilaniata da guerre esterne e interne.
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Confina con [[Africa]] (anticamente chiamata Calabria o Calafrica), [[Puglia]], [[Campania]], Mediterragno e Oceano Atlantide.
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== Storia ==
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La regione anticamente era chiamata [[Lucania]] e si ritiene che fu fondata nel 7000 A.C. (Avanti [[Carmine Crocco|Crocco]]) da Ramses XI detto il [[Lucano]], sbarcato con una zattera a [[motore]] nella vicina [[Puglia]]. Egli scelse le terre di Lucania perché si trovò a passare per caso nel suo viaggio verso [[Napoli]]. Fu poi ceduta dallo stesso faraone a Crocco il Brigante nell'[[anno]] 0 D.C. (Dopo [[Carmine Crocco|Crocco]]). Ne ricorda le gesta il famosissimo spot tv sulla Basilicata del famoso attore e [[pornodivo]] [[Rocco Barbaro]].<br />
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Si ritiene che la maggior parte dei suoi abitanti siano scomparsi con [[Atlantide]] o siano nascosti nelle viscere dell'[[Antartide]] (il loro calore sta sciogliendo i ghiacciai). Il Granducazzo di Melfi è stato ripopolato in parte da alcuni alieni dell'Est Universo 3B4AD.<br />
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Alcuni esseri strani, forse scartati dagli alieni e mutati dal clima di merda, sopravvivono ancora oggi sulle montagne di [[Potenza]] e dintorni.<br />
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Gemellata con [[Figa]] (gemellaggio univoco, gli abitanti di [[Figa]] non ne sono a conoscenza).
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== Clima ==
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Il clima è prevalentemente di [[merda]]. Si passa dai -20° di [[Potenza]] ai +40 di Lavello. In Basilicata esistono 2 stagioni: il Freddo e il Caldo. Non esistono né mezze stagioni, né 4 stagioni.
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Se percorrete la super-ultra-autostrada Potenzia/Melfia (nota per l'ampio numero di corsie per senso di marcia) e siete nei pressi dello svincolo Possidente-S. Giorgio-Cusciolandia noterete, per il raggio di 1 km, che le piogge insistono perennemente durante tutto il giorno, tutto il mese e tutto l'anno. Questo si verifica perché state passando dalla stagione Fredda alla stagione Calda.
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== Economia & Money ==
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[[File:Amario Lucano.jpg|thumb|170px|Amario Lucano, prodotto tipico della regione]]
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L'economia si basa principalmente sulla vendita di acqua inquinata alla [[Puglia]], l'allevamento di [[pipistrelli]] nelle numerose grotte, la produzione dell'ottimo vino venduto ai 7 angoli del [[mondo]], l'estrazione del [[petrolio]] che viene venduto alla [[Arabia Saudita|A'rabbia Saudita]] e l'acquisto di [[monnezza]] da [[Napoli]] e di [[rifiuti tossici]] dal più tecnologicamente avanzato [[Nord Italia]]. <br />
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Famosa per le numerose spiagge, tra le meno visitate del [[mondo]], attira ogni anno circa 500 turisti, provenienti per lo più dalla vicina [[Puglia]].<br />
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I ricchi pascoli di [[papaia]] & [[fico]], erba selvatica e cardoncelle permettono l'allevamento di vacche, scrofe, oche e galline, che tuttavia richiedono l'importazione di grandi quantità di [[banane]] dalla vicina [[Africa]].<br />
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Vi sono anche [[pianta]]gioni di Gelsi (ciuz), Lampaggioni (lambascion), Fichi D'India (feck d'egn), asparagi (sparc) e broccoli (vruccl).
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=== TV locali ===
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Sul territorio regionale, sono presenti (strano a credersi) delle TV locali che garantiscono la disinformazione a tutti i Lucani (o Lucanesi. o Basilicatesi).
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* TDM (Terra di merda)
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* MatarreseTV
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* SalsicciaSAT
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* Rai B (Realmente Abiti In Basilicata?)
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* TCDP - TeleCarneDiPorco
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== Cucina ==
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La regione vanta numerose specialità culinarie quali: past e cim d rap, past e tar-c-cozz, pzzcannidd, raffaiul, cauzuncidd,fiour e ov, salsiccia pajsana, la ciambotta, l'acqua Setante, i cuppitielli, cazz cucuzzedd e ov, a past e fasul, fave assalot, il Trittico calcianese, i "gnummuridd", past au furn, u pan cuott e zafaran'crusk, catapàn, paprign e mledd che spezzano il loro sapori con le vrncòcc.
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== Detti & Proverbi ==
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*Stu ciuot. --> Stolto.
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*a cunfrunt a ttè u puorc' è nu signor'. --> Sei una persona poco nobile.
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*Fatt na furcenat d' cazz toj. --> Fatti un po' gli affari tuoi.
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*Quer cà t sparagn ch muglier't indù liett.. su lu frec'n l'aut iend r supal --> *Quello che non fai con tua moglie a letto..Lo faranno altri di nascosto.
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*Addò Tin gli' ucchie tin r man. --> Dove hai gli occhi li vai a mettere le mani.
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*Quann chiov e t'ra vind a r padd statt attint. --> quando piove e tira vento stai attento alle [[palle]].
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*Quann gheje so' mmurt e stac stejese, to te fai na reise. --> quando io sono morto e sto steso, tu ti fai una risata (il finto amico, si rallegra della sventura altrui).
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*Non iè cambane ca perde u tune. --> si usa per indicare una persona corretta e sempre di parola.
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*U recc quann la voul e u povr quann l'aie. --> il ricco quando la vuole e il povero quando l'ha.
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*La neiv marzulein, dor da la ser a la matein. --> La neve di marzo, dura dalla sera alla mattina.
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*Fimmn ciocc e crap, tott la stessa cap. --> Donne, asine e capre, hanno tutte la stessa testa.
*U meglj ameic t frec r sol da sott a r scarp. --> Il migliore amico ti ruba anche le solette delle scarpe.
*U can du preincp quand aveij scè a cacch addà piscià. --> il cane del principe quando deve andare a caccia deve fare pipi.
*Vrruccl e prdcatour dopp pasqu non serv'n chiòu. --> broccoli e predicatori dopo pasqua non sono più buoni.
*R corn fann mal a gh'enz ma aioutn a cresh. --> le corna (il tradimento) fanno male a uscire ma aiutano a crescere.
*Zomb u chtroul e vaie n'ngul all'urtulan. --> salta il cetriolo e va nel sedere del'ortolano.
*Ceras e ceras ogn'edon a la cas. --> ciliege e ciliege ognuno va a casa propria.
*La gadden fac l'uv e a u gadd li jusc ucol. --> la gallina fa l'uovo e al gallo gli rode il sedere.
*Non dà retta a sunn!. --> Non credere a quello che sogni!
*Quann u coul mena vind u midc staie ala 'bbind. --> Quando il sedere tira "vento" il medico non lavora.
*Nàtal ch' lu sòle e Ppsque ch'u c'ppòne. --> Natale con il sole e pasqua con la pioggia.
*T carcheie --> Ti picchio
*Non si bun a fa nint --> Sei un buono a nulla
*Pigl'l bbun quann l'hai cà lu brutt nun manga mai -->Accetta le opportunità di oggi, domani potrebbe essere peggio (letterale: Prendile per buone quando le hai, le brutte non mancheranno mai- riferito alle notizie)
*T spezz l gamm --> Ti spezzo le gambe
*Iendè alla macellerei non st'ai carne ca s'scettè --> nulla va sprecato!!
*Attac u cioc addò vol u' padron --> attacca l'asino dove vuole il padrone!
*Ch ten l'egn va'n'sardegn --> Chi ha la lingua va in Sardegna
*An de trua Catarin vien qua, uan ciu fri semb ngul t'ava trasì --> Uno due tre Caterina vieni qua, uno due tre sempre nell'ano ti entrerà
*Crist mì da' croc, fa sta buon' ù cannanoc --> Cristo mio della croce, fai star bene il 'cannanoce' (pomo d'Adamo), ovvero fa che alla gola non manchi il cibo.
*Paré --> Locuzione nata in un paese tra le perdute valli della parte interna ancor non esplorate della Lucania di nome Cancellara. Usata dalla popolazione principalmente giovanile, il suo significato è: niente, nulla, non significa assolutamente nulla; si pensa sia un modo criptato di identificazione o più semplicemente un modo per innervosire l'interlocutore e portarlo allora stremo per poi ucciderlo.
*Amm fatt l'art di ciut --> Ci siamo comportati da veri ingenui.
*Mo t fazz nu coul quant a osc e craje --> Ora ti faccio un culo quanto oggi e domani.
*La pecch d mamt au forn --> Che la vagina di tua madre possa cuocere in un forno.
*Piglia e porta n'gasa e dì a ta mamma ca sò c'ras! --> Predi le cose come vengono / Prendere per buono qualcosa.
*fatt'i cazz'tuj ca camb'cind' ann'--> Fatti i fatti tuoi che campi cen'tanni.
*Vai p' fart u segn da croc' e t' cec d'oucchij --> Dopo che hai fatto una buona azione la stessa ti si ritorce contro.

== Spot ==

Lucania...Quando serve abbiamo anche le spiagge.

== Curiosità ==
{{Curiosità}}
*Voci di corridoio affermano che in realtà la Basilicata non esista almeno quanto il [[Molise]]. L'incertezza dei suoi confini rafforza questa tesi. Molti infatti sostengono che la Basilicata confini con il Molise e addirittura che Potenza ne sia il capoluogo.
Ulteriore prova: non la si sente nominare su nessun [[telegiornale]] nazionale da almeno una ventina d'anni.
Ogni tanto si capta il segnale televisivo del TGR Basilicata che, qualsiasi notizia comunichi, la localizza sempre al confine con un'altra regione.
*Gli anziani del luogo raccontano che ai tempi in cui loro erano giovani e le donne non si depilavano ancora baffi e gambe, in regione non esistevano le bionde; pare che queste siano comparse sul territorio lucano solo in seguito alle perforazioni petrolifere, risalite su dai pertugi che avevano raggiunto l'[[Australia]].

== Personaggi illustri ==
[[File:Rocco Barbaro.jpg|thumb|Rocco Barbaro, famoso pornodivo.]]
*Takahide Sano
*Rocco Barbaro
*Rocco Papaleo
*[[Pino Mango|Mango]]
*[[Carmine Crocco]]
*[[Arisa]]
*[[Pupazzo Gnappo]]
*[[Henry John Woodcock]] il pm biondo che fa impazzire il mondo.
*[[Carmen Lasorella]] e Suofratello
*[[Paola Saluzzi]]
*[[Danilo Restivo]] e la sua orchestra
*[[Rocco e i suoi fratelli]]
*[[Sergio Staino]]
*[[Francis Ford Coppola]] e suo nipote [[Nicolas Cage]]

{{Regioni Italia}}
{{Terronia}}

[[Categoria:Regioni italiane]]
[[Categoria:Luoghi dimenticabili]]

[[pt:Basilicata]]

Versione delle 13:01, 14 set 2016

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